Tag Archives: courage

Vision thru’ a broken window

The earth’s about five thousand million years old.
Who can afford to live in the past?
Harold Pinter 

She has never felt like this before, what is this feeling that she can’t explain? Could this be love, she asks in her mind. And then she remembers and smiles.
This is how her life has been since they met, around him she always felt no need to pretend or to put up facades to protect who she is. With him she was happy being herself. Whenever she hears his voice her heart skips a beat, whenever they are together she yearns to be free like the wind. But in all her happiness she holds back never giving in fully. She is tied down by a haunting memory of decades ago, the memory of an incident that drove her to build walls round her heart. Walls that were meant to keep her from getting hurt. Since the day that memory came into existence she has trusted no man and with good reason too.

Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad.
Christina Rossetti 

So now even in her joy and happiness, she is expecting to wake up and find out it’s just a dream. But she hangs on as if on tenterhooks wanting to believe and hoping it’s not a dream.
She can’t remember the last time she had a clear thought since meeting him, her mind is all muddled up and she wonders if she has not lost it. But then if only this feeling can continue she can give her mind for it. In the little moment of “sanity” she gets, she wonders what this feeling is that could break down barriers that are decades strong and still standing. As she begins to get lost in the feeling, the memory comes back more vivid than ever almost in high definition reminding her of what she has suffered and the pain she went through.
She knows the memory was forged in pain and her heart only seeks to protect her; but she must make a decision, either to jump or to stay.
Afraid of tomorrow unknown, guided only by a past experienced she looks at the world through a broken window. So the image she sees is always fractured, fractured by an experience forever etched in her memory. After what seems like an eternity of deliberation, she decides on a course of action.
She decided to take a leap of faith into the unknown, into this vortex of feelings she doesn’t understand she decides to give herself. She decides that her past will no longer define her; she has to live to shame the memory that haunts her and has kept her in chains for decades. She decides to love him as much as he loved her and to open her heart fully to his embrace. And since she took that decision, she has never had course to worry and has never looked back.

Dedicated to all sexually abused women who are finding it hard to give their hearts fully to another.

©Fr

This is …….

To share in pain and in joy
To tell the truth no matter what
To see the eyes and not need the words
To shield from aches, as much as you can
This is love….
To love forever and hold for an eternity
To walk together on hot coals and hold hands at the beach
To absorb the bad and not seek revenge
To see always the beautiful even when all is ugly
This is marriage….
To give because you have, not because there is surplus
To remember the “have nots” and not spend recklessly
To build lives not just with money, but also with words
To secure somebody’s tomorrow not for reward.
This is generosity…..
To observe the setting sun and not be despondent
To count your coins and be short and yet not worry
To look again at your dreams and still be hopeful
To desire freedom and yet not move to loosen your bonds
This is expectation……
To examine your day and learn from your mistakes
To be happy even when it takes a while to find a reason to be
To influence positively every soul you meet
To allow daily interactions help shape your life
This is living….
To dream and wake up to plan
To see tomorrow in today
To labor today so you reap tomorrow
To do your best to escape mediocrity
This is vision…
To be afraid and yet move forward
To be cautious and not be paralyzed
To rise from the pit even when there is no helping hand
To strive to be better regardless of the accolades
This is courage…

Fear, my companion

Fear strikes and I am frozen

Mesmerized and immobilized.

But I am beholden to faith not to fear

So I try to feign courage even though my heart pounds

Sweat droplets form on my brow and a shiver runs thru my body

But I stand “unafraid”

I imagine all sorts, even as I try to subdue my fearful  mind

Fear the conqueror of champions

The nuisance that threatens my well laid plans 

I can’t fight my fears cos they loom so large

I don’t want to fight them cos’ they will drain my strength

So I acknowledge them and greet them well

And face the task of building my dream

Yes I am afraid

But my fear is a part of me

And can no more slow me down than I allow it to

So come along my fearful self

We will yet achieve a lot together.

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