Tag Archives: anger

The certainties of life

There are a few things you can be certain about in this life ;

No matter how gloomy you are, the sun will rise every morning

No matter how long the day is, the night will always come.

The living can never have enough sleep, only the dead will.

No matter how tall you are, you can’t see the future.

Dark clouds will not always gather before a rainfall.

If you keep avoiding risks, you may remain in the same place forever.

The greatest treasure vault is the graveyard.

As long as there is summer and winter, sowing and reaping will never cease.

My truth will always be different from your truth.

Marriage will always be more than the ceremony that initiates it.

Hate will always give birth to sadness and frustration.

Anger, uncontrolled will always end badly.

Love is always worth fighting for.

The young shall grow and the old will always die.

No matter how far back you can stretch your hand, you can never change the past.

No matter how much you hide the truth, it will always be revealed in due time.

 
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I wish…

I am very angry and can’t concentrate. My face is flushed and my ears are warm (probably emitting smoke) and yet I cant stop being angry. I know I  should calm down and not do something I can’t undo but my heart still pounds.

I wish I can say all thats in my mind in one outburst and then say no more. I wish my mind will stop looking for what to say to counter the narrative that has been so beautifully constructed, so that I can have peace.

I wish I could close my eyes and forget that I ever got to this point of near loss of control. I wish my intestines will keep quiet for once. It seems all my insides have joined in this cacophony just to deny me of peace and quiet.

When all has failed to sleep  then I must  go. Where I know that the softness of the bed will give me more comfort than my own mind. And so I prepare to get lost in the velvety embrace of my bed.

My only hope is that when I wake, today would have never been and tomorrow will be today. But thats like getting drunk and hoping you sorrows will disappear 🙂 . 

I know I will wake up feeling the weight of today but then with a new day comes new insight into yesterday’s problems.

Anger is debilitating and paralysing in its destructive nature. It stops all sane thought and drives one to “madness”. Be careful lest you become its next victim.

The strength of an apology

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for

 words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

                                         Harriet Beecher Stowe

Outside storm clouds gathered, everybody was getting ready for a heavy downpour. But in her mind anger was building, the weather reflecting vividly her minds reality. The more she thought about it the angrier she got,” how can he be so uncaring” she thought.

Her heart was pounding even as the fire of the anger spread round her body. The person who caused it all was not even helping issues; he appeared undisturbed, ignorant of the fact that he has triggered a firestorm.

The more she looked at him the more she thought he did it on purpose; he brought her here just to punish her. All of a sudden she starts feeling warm on the inside like she was having a fever. The heat spreads to her face and it turns a pinkish hue. The ignorant will think she was blushing not knowing she was burning up in anger. The fire rages on even as it is fanned by distant memories of him causing her so much pain she has been through a lot for him and has tried really hard to put it all behind her. But now it all came back like an avalanche.

That is when she noticed her hands were shaking. All the things she wanted to say to him were like hot lava boiling up from the depths of the earth. It came straight from her belly, ready to be unleashed. It was like gall in her throat and try as hard as she could, she couldn’t stomach it any longer.

There is a sense of being in anger.

 A reality and presence. 

An awareness of worth. It is a lovely surging.

                                                       Toni Morrison

As the words reach her mouth and she begins to talk, he turns round holds her hands and says, “sorry dear for putting you through all this, I know you don’t like these gatherings but that’s part of my job description now. Thanks for making it at such a short notice.”

Surprised by the sudden apology, she steps back a bit even as the heat in her body subsides and the tremors abate as if some unknown authority has commanded them so to do. She smiled at him, the much she could muster hoping it looked like a smile and not some grotesque image that will give nightmares to a child.

Even as her heart tries to beat more slowly, she wonders, “so he knows but he could have shown it before all this so that I wouldn’t have allowed my insides be eaten up by acid”. Feeling calmer but not entirely happy, she smiles more broadly, looks him in the eyes and says, “any way I can help just let me know, I am always here for you”.

And then she takes her leave to powder her nose, marveling at the strength of a heartfelt apology and its power to calm a raging storm.

Storm clouds

I grew up in my fathers’ stone house in a quiet area of the town. On evenings when usually there is no electricity we sit on mats outside the house to listen to an array of moonlight tales delivered by my mum but authored by those that came long before her. The stories were so engaging that you couldn’t leave without knowing the end, sending us on errands during these periods saw the fastest response time in history because nobody wants to miss a part of the story. After the stories we lay down looking at the skies and count the stars, noting the fading ones and the bright ones.

It is in this phase of our evening enjoyments that we usually notice that sometimes, white clouds cover up the stars and then the winds get cooler than before, when this happens, the adults will tell us to pack up and go inside because rain was a likely possibility. So the rain clouds obscure the beauty of the night sky even if just for a moment, the beauty is replaced by threatening, heavy and dark clouds that change the atmosphere from joy to terror.

This is not so different from our lives; the rain clouds are the threatening uncontrollable situations and environments we find ourselves in. It could be triggered by the people we work, live or interact with regularly, who cause us to react in ways that for an instant hide the beauty of our lives from us and from others that are looking. Have you seen a close friend in the heat of anger, righteous though the anger may be, but at that moment he looses every appearance of the human being you know. He is snarling like a dog and threatening fire and brimstone, he is shouting at the object of the anger and looking for what to destroy, he is uncontrollable, and you wonder, where the beauty is. Somebody described anger or more correctly fits of rage as moments of temporary insanity, is he far from the truth?

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

William Blake

Sometimes the situations that we are thrown into trigger off severe emotional reactions that obscure for an instant the beauty we possess. You are trying your best to be tolerant in the office and so you complain less and overlook more, but a colleague sees it as an opportunity to ride roughshod over you because he feels you lack the capacity to respond to him as is necessary. But one day he does the one thing that is equivalent to the “last straw”: when you approach him you don’t shout, you don’t scream, you just sit him down and for thirty minutes you just dress him down, you assault him with words and when you finally let him go, you know within you that his perception of you has changed forever. Nobody will ever think your tolerance is borne out of cowardice or foolishness again, they will see you from a different perspective from henceforth.

There are not fifty ways of fighting, there’s only one,

 and that’s to win. Neither revolution

nor war consists in doing what one pleases.

André Malraux

Sometimes it is fair and trite to cover up your beauty roll up your sleeves and get in the mud. There are some things due you that you can’t get unless you fight for them. Not just fight but low down dirty brawling. In the words of the country musician Don Williams,” sometimes you have to fight to be a man”. The difficulty here is in choosing how and where to shield your delicate beauty so you can achieve your due reward.

Few things in life are worth fighting for and fewer yet are worth dying for. You should fight for your dreams, you should fight for your loved ones, you should fight for the things that you are passionate about, you should fight for your wife/husband, you should fight for your children, and you should fight for your tomorrow. Preserving the “beauty” of your character should not be important when there is a need to fight for what you hold dear, for instance : to liberate your child from forces you know you are stronger than and even if you are weaker than them beauty should not keep you from trying. Maintaining your demeanor before your boss as he demeans your wife may help keep your job but has definitely killed your marriage, love is worth fighting for.

Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.

Jonathan Kozol

We are men and women not robots, our feelings don’t work on switches. Our feelings don’t have “feelostarts” so that when they reach a particular level they are automatically shut off. Our being intelligent beings allow us to make intelligent choices about emotional decisions especially ones that will change our lives.

A woman has been known to have singlehandedly lifted a Volkswagen beetle that ran her child over and the kid was trapped beneath the car. Fighting is our heritage but we have lost the sense of what to fight for.

It’s easier to see husband and wife fight over divorce settlements than fight to save their marriage, as siblings we fight over inheritances instead of unity, we fight over politicians instead of fighting for good governance, and we fight over who to worship instead of over how to live right. Misplaced priorities are what plague our lives in these days, we are all fighting for something, and the question is, are you fighting for the right thing?

Families ain’t just born; you got to work at ’em,

even when there ain’t much to work with.

Marsha Hunt

The rain clouds may eventually go away without bringing rain and sometimes it only goes away after a torrential downpour. But after the rain comes the sunshine, after the dark clouds comes the clear skies after the weeping comes the smile.

May our rain clouds prepare us to fight for the right things, things that will outlive us not things that will expire before us.