Category Archives: personal

I wish…

I am very angry and can’t concentrate. My face is flushed and my ears are warm (probably emitting smoke) and yet I cant stop being angry. I know I  should calm down and not do something I can’t undo but my heart still pounds.

I wish I can say all thats in my mind in one outburst and then say no more. I wish my mind will stop looking for what to say to counter the narrative that has been so beautifully constructed, so that I can have peace.

I wish I could close my eyes and forget that I ever got to this point of near loss of control. I wish my intestines will keep quiet for once. It seems all my insides have joined in this cacophony just to deny me of peace and quiet.

When all has failed to sleep  then I must  go. Where I know that the softness of the bed will give me more comfort than my own mind. And so I prepare to get lost in the velvety embrace of my bed.

My only hope is that when I wake, today would have never been and tomorrow will be today. But thats like getting drunk and hoping you sorrows will disappear 🙂 . 

I know I will wake up feeling the weight of today but then with a new day comes new insight into yesterday’s problems.

Anger is debilitating and paralysing in its destructive nature. It stops all sane thought and drives one to “madness”. Be careful lest you become its next victim.

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When Words Fail

I have always loved to offer hope and be sympathetic to people when I can. I have always believed and agreed that perseverance pays off in the end. And that not only does the patient dog eat the fattest bone it also eats the meat attached to the bone and gets a pat on the head.

But today I am  confronted with a situation for which I will look stupid and idiotic if I say “hang on a while longer” or “it will be well dont worry about it”. To offer hope in this situation will be akin to betrayal because i know what my friend has gone thru.

A few years ago I called an uncle to offer my condolences on the death of his daughter, who died at the prime of life. He asked me a question which still reverberates in my mind, he asked,”how do you console a man whose child is dead”.

And that is where I am today trying to find the right words for this friend whose world is not collapsing but has collapsed. After such a long time reflecting the only thing that felt right was to offer my help whichever way she decided to go. I told her to have a plan and a vision on how to get where she needs to be. I told her to be strong and consistent in pursuing those goals. I told her to focus on tommorow and get as much rest as she can so she will not be wearied by the journey. I told her not to blame herself for the past but to focus on the future.

When you come face to face with frustration and disappointment in human form; it makes you think before you give the default “it will be well” which has become our slogan of sorts. It is only then you will know that the river of  hope can run dry even as love can grow cold.

I dont know how to encourage my friend because the “normal” hope platitudes won’t make a dent in her soul. She has been bruised beaten and burnt metaphorically, but she still stands.

“I give hope to men but have left none for myself” thats from Lord of the Rings (the return of the king) . And its so devastating that i don’t have hope to give my friend.

I really hope to stand by and encourage her the most I can, to help her by actions as my words have failed me, till she sees the bright light of a new dawn.

When words fail actions can speak louder and better than words.

Exceptional events

Today is one of those days when so much happens yet you still can’t reconcile how it all went down
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All I know is that I am most grateful to God for my life and that of my loved ones. For his constant vigilance inspite of my constant straying.
I have no long essay today as I am still marvelled at the events of today. So all I say to you my friends is  “be grateful in all things”.
No matter how bad it is for you, there is somebody somewhere who is in a worse situation.
And I thank you too for taking out time to read these posts. It is most humbling. Thank you very much.

A Journey without a compass

To conclude my week of random ,spontaneous and personally reflective posts.  I was greatly inspired by this from an anonymous father to his 21 year old daughter finding her way in life.

There Is No Map To The Journey Of Life.

There is no book to the journey of life, and the road you are destined be mother or wife, will seem at times to have bedrock of fear but never forget sweat pea, I am always near.

Watch for the souls who like trees root in soil, for fear that their heart is the thing they will spoil. Don’t let them lead you to alleys of dark, where you’ll be forced to protect your light and your heart.

Some live as victors and challenge the past, some never get there and live as a cast. I know of life that the road is not clear, but you have your dad Claire, I am always here.

There is no map to the journey of life, so live to be whole, not just girlfriend or wife. Souls like ours need pasture and plane, and your soul, my love, will be restless, again and again.

As you journey ahead your spirit will speak, it is for home you are heading, it is home that you seek. Where that is only you can find, let your heart lead the way and just follow behind.

While I am out here ahead in some way, I hope the signs I write, you’ll find on your way. Read them and do what you will, at the end of the day it’s your heart to fulfill.

If there was a book to the journey of life, yours would be bound with the pain of my strife. It would heal and protect and ease your pain, and help you find your feet again.

The words would be written with the depth of my love and never forget I am with you, be it on earth or above.

Dad xx