Category Archives: culture


There are a thousand and one reality programs airing on televisions stations worldwide and many more jostling for airtime on television channels. From Big Brother ©to Survivor© to Panic Room© to Fear Factor© and so many others too numerous to mention, all are seeking for our attention.  For every ten reality programs that get air time on stations twenty or thirty more had been rejected. Individuals and families are accepting to have the camera follow them 24/7 for a reality show that they   hope will entertain the viewership, get them some financial benefit and probably make them celebrities in the long run.

With all these, one is bound to question if there is reality in these programs or just an advanced level of make believe. What the viewers want to see determines what you showcase as “reality” in the reality program. So as advanced as we think we have become in intelligence and knowledge we are still being deceived into watching fiction only that now we have given it a new nomenclature; Reality TV.

When families participate in these programs it creates a problem for those watching who want to use them as role models and the ideal of what a family will be. So families start working to unattainable goals that end up causing rifts in the fabrics of the family because the goal set is not only unattainable but unrealistic. Without trying to be judgmental, a lot of these programs cut off unsavory family issues which they believe will not enhance the entertainment value of the program and yet it is these issues that make a family.

That argument you have with your Dad not about your girlfriend or getting a drivers license but about his decision to cut down your allowance because of your flouting a particular rule or the debate about not wanting to go to Harvard Law but wanting to pursue a career in writing. These are the things that make a family; these are the blocks upon which families are elevated.

For growing children and especially teenagers it creates a perception disturbance in their lives. Trying to marry the “reality” of reality TV with the reality of their own homes, it creates a distortion that reflects in their relationship with their parents and siblings; when they begin to make demands of their parents and siblings that have no basis in reality.

Among individual reality shows the problems are the same or almost the same. When a person’s character strengths and positives are constantly glamorized, they are made into demigods with no failings. That is a pretty high standard for that adolescent who is trying to find his feet in life and really define who he is. It makes him learn to cover his deficiencies instead of understanding that it’s the quirks in our characters that make us who we are. So he learns a life of pretense, building a façade round his life that makes him at some point to lose the identity of who he is. Tell a lie for a long time and it starts looking like the truth and eventually becomes your truth.

Our realities are being defined by these shows and its causing a misperception of reality for us. What is my reality and how is it connected to the reality of the world? These shows have inadvertently focused on and exaggerated the entertaining aspect of life and done away with the negative, the base human nature, and the primitive instincts that make us who we are. It has removed our minds from the freedom to fail that creates geniuses out of us and gives us courage to dare to change the status quo.

A generation grows up thinking that the life of family “A” on reality TV is how life should be. A home where there are minimal to know disagreements, where every quarrel is settled to everyone’s advantage, the children and the parents are always on the same page or most of the times are.

Glamour and entertainment is what the world is about today and so individuals and families are being remolded to fit that paradigm and what better way than through misrepresented reality. To be sure, not all reality programs are bad some have something good to offer and even for the crassly bad ones there still maybe one or two things to learn from them.

It’s high time we log out from this black hole of reality misrepresentation and see these programs as nothing more than fictional programs which are no more than the Lord of the Rings or the Star wars or the Gladiator movies.

We knew they were beautiful works of fiction and we enjoyed them for what they were, because nobody tried to sell us a load of goods that they were “reality shows”.

Keep thy heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life. (Prov.4:23)

I speak for the babies

In May 2012, the Times magazine used as its cover page the picture of a young woman suckling a 4year old boy.


Expectedly this generated a lot of heated debate on the appropriate age to stop breastfeeding, on the posture of the woman involved in the picture and her son and interestingly the debate also included the appropriateness of breastfeeding in public. A lot of people the world over engaged each other in different forums in a bid to make their side of the story heard.

And then in the September of 2014, the Glamour magazine published in its cover page a picture of the actress Olivia Wilde breastfeeding her 9month old son in public and then the conversation went into fever pitch again.


For a lot of the people that raised issues with the picture, their argument was that breastfeeding is a sexual act and shouldn’t be done in public. This and other similar views made up the opposing side of breastfeeding in public.

And this view of things makes me want to know, what is sexual about breastfeeding your child?  And if at all for the purpose of this discuss we assume it is a sexual act; then is it a sexual act for the mother, the child or the spectator passing on the street?

Breastfeeding is an act of nurturing that increases bonding between the mother and the child builds the child’s immunity and adequately nourishes the baby amongst other benefits. How can this be termed sexual?

I come from Africa where not breastfeeding your child is the exception rather than the rule. It is not abnormal to see mothers who breastfeed their children for up to 1year. Women are not ashamed (no reason to be) to breastfeed their babies wherever and whenever the need arises and they are not bothered (as they should not be) by who is looking or who wants to tell them to “go do it indoors”.

Our world has been so sexualized that every natural act is now seen to have a sexual connotation. From scantily clad men and women on the streets, to pornography and near naked women on ads for products that women have no business using, there is sexuality everywhere so our “sexual senses” are extremely sensitive. Hence giving sexual definition to an act that does not deserve it.

Motherhood is the most natural thing that can happen to any woman, yet we are bickering on if it should be done outside or inside.

I find it worrisome that what people in Europe and America (the much celebrated literate continents) are arguing about is not whether breast milk is the best for the child or not, or the right age to stop breastfeeding but about the sexuality of a natural act only because seeing a young woman suckling her child makes us uneasy.

In an era where we are championing for reproductive rights and gay rights, who champions the right of babies to be breastfed wherever and whenever they need it?

Consistently in its advisory to countries the WHO has always emphasized on the need to ensure a minimum of 6 months exclusive breastfeeding for the newborn because of the health benefits it confers on the baby, this has been championed by the Breastfeeding Hospital initiative (BFHI) a program under the WHO child health program.

Accepted, this is not always possible, because of some genuine reasons and not cosmetic ones, but to argue on the very thing that defines our care for our offspring is most interesting even when our offspring has been defined as the weakest of all species.

I believe I speak for the babies when I say: “all babies have a right to be breastfed by their mothers wherever and whenever the babies demand it, it is our inalienable right and we demand nothing less”.